Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A very Squishy issue

As most people have learned by the time they are mothers "breast is best" ... but is that always the case?

First: Yes, i believe breastfeeding is very good for baby.

But sometimes it's not always possible, or even the best option for the child.

Here's some random (sort of made up) scenarios.

Mommy A - baby is having trouble latching on. Mommy is getting discouraged with nursing, and is considering quitting.

Mommy B - Had (necessary) surgery on her chest in earlier years. She can produce milk, but it's painful.

Mommy C - baby appears to be nursing fine, but isn't gaining weight, as mommy isn't producing the milk baby needs to survive.

Most of us will agree that mommy A can work hard and keep nursing. I'd recommend it. But B and C? If it's going to be painful the whole time ... is it really better?

Sometimes the fact is simple, sometimes mommy can't nurse baby. Sometimes the child doesn't gain the weight, the mother doesn't have the milk, or the child is adopted. Sometimes there are actual REASONS the mother chose not to breastfed.

I nursed my oldest for 9 months, until he completely lost interest. My second I only nursed for a couple months, and the third for only a few months. I know its' better, but it's not possible!

Every situation is different; in my case, I has severe post partum depression. I didn't know it with the oldest, and I suffered for it. To tell the honest truth, I don't know when he first rolled over ... I survived those months, but I didn't enjoy them.

With the second, the doctor gave me a simple choice. "I can give you medication for the depression, or you can nurse. But you can't do both, it isn't good for the baby." I chose the medication, and we weaned. Do you know something - I made the right choice.

With the third, the Dr. (yes, very pro breastfeeding), said the baby wasn't gaining any weight, and I needed to start her on formula, because my body wasn't giving her nutrients.

I don't feel that formula feeding separated my child and me, we share a close bond, and always will. In fact, it brought us closer together, because I did what I knew was best for both of us. I've seen both sides of the issue, but sometimes I feel that the world is becoming so pro-breastfeeding that those mothers that choose not to, or can't, feel as if they are harming their child.

The theme is "breast is best." It's nailed into us in the hospital, in the doctor's offices, and through nutritional programs. you've probably heard of WIC (woman, infant children), they help middle income families with things like formula, milk, and things like that.

I admit I've had to use WIC, and I know it's best for the children, as they have breastfeeding counselors, and they make sure the kids have milk when they need it most.

I was delighted to see their new food packages include baby food, it's so good for baby. But ... the anti-formula prejudice rears it's ugly head. Here is two pictures:


The first picture shows how much baby food a child will receive each month, at the age of six months - if they are only formula fed. The second is what a breastfed baby will receive. This bothers me. I understand rewarding breastfeeding mothers with extra food, but this isn't the mother ... this is the child. They don't take special cases. If mommy can't breastfeed because of any reason, surgery, cancer, medication, etc, ... the child is being punished by getting less than half the amount of baby food.

Things are tight these days. Chances are, baby won't get any more babyfood than that. A baby who gets some breastfed, and some formula, gets somewhere between the two amounts.

I feel the child is being punished for something beyond the mothers control. In fact, sometimes purely nursing can be harmful to the child and the mother. The mother, whose hormones are insane, is unable to leave the baby for any more than an hour at a time, because the baby wants to eat, and often doesn't accept a bottle.

Somebody I know had to have her appendix out while she had a nursing child. Two days later in the hospital, her breasts were swollen, because the nurses hadn't figured out they needed to get a pump from the maternity wing, and the baby was grouchy and starving under her Aunt's care, because she didn't want a bottle, under any circumstances. But the mom was unable to nurse while in the hospital - the hospital didn't want a baby there!

My question is simple; why do we not understand that not all mothers can nurse their children? it may be true those nutrients are essential for a child at the beginning ... but can we lay off the mothers who choose to formula feed? Can we accept that formula has come a long way in the past thirty years, and the baby is getting enough nutrition, even if it's not from mommy?

As a mommy who has done both, I can't tell you how grateful I was for the opportunity to allow my husband to feed the baby for those 2 A.M. feedings, in fact, it brought daddy closer to baby. The opportunity to leave the baby with a sitter, and know they would be able to eat, and not be hysterical because my boob was too far away.

It is, and always will be, a raging issue. But please, lets remember that a mother is not harming her child by formula feeding. She's making her decision. Let her decision be, and don't give her a hard time for making either decision. Each baby is different, each mother is different, let them decide what is best. Don't force your ideals upon a mother. It's her life, and if she can't formula feed, being told in a snotty tone that she made the wrong decision, doesn't exactly make her life easier.

1 comment:

  1. I am certainly pro breast feeding, but i totally agree. I know people who literally could not breast feed even if they tried. That doesn't mean that they are worse mother's. That just means that there are circumstances beyond their control. The WIC thing I think is dumb too. Why give a baby more food if they are still getting mommies milk? You would think it would be the other way around. Mommies milk is free, formula is not. So make the people that are already paying a lot pay more??

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