I've seen many of these mistakes made by friends of mine, and I think every serious couple should delve into these, just to make sure this is a "good match."
1: religion. Seriously people. If an Jew marries a catholic, which are you going to raise the baby? If mommy is Mormon, and daddy is Presbyterian, they can go to different churches now, but where will be the babies go, be baptized, and grow up?
Lets be fair here. How will little Susie or baby Frank feel if he's Mormon one week and Presbyterian the other? He'll be confused his whole life! Choose one. Stick with it. Then if he wants to decide otherwise when he's older, that's great! But don't make him hate religion because mommy and daddy couldn't agree!
2: homeschooling. True, why worry about this when the baby isn't even conceived yet? Well, if mommy wants to homeschool, and public school is awful, and daddy says public school is the only way to go ... what is going to happen to Johnny? You need to agree here, or at least be willing to compromise!
3: Circumcision. I'm not saying that the first time a couple goes on a date, they should talk about this over dinner, but it needs to be discussed! My opinion is strict, like daddy like baby. It's easier for everybody.
I know a couple personally who have been fighting over this since they first got pregnant. (Thankfully, first baby is a girl, but second, due any day now, is a boy.). He thinks this needs to be done, it's healthier, and better for the baby, and looks better. She thinks it's evil and should never ever be done (even though her husband has been circumcised!).
Their compromise? She says no, he says yes, and the argument continues. Her mommy has stopped in though, and said she'll stay at the hospital the whole time to make sure he doesn't get the surgery done while mommy is sleeping.
My opinion ... that's how you break up a marriage! If grandma interferes because they "don't trust daddy", ... this is very very bad. I look forward to finding out where this discussion ends up! Poor kid. And by not making a decision, by default, mommy wins, because it's "not doing anything." Or maybe, like religion, when the kid is 18, they can ask him, "hey, do you want a potentially painful surgery on your anatomy that will require you to have ice for a week?" (It's much easier for babies .. post-pubescent males have more trouble).
4: work. Can mommy have a job? If mommy is not a stay at home mommy, will there be problems? Will grandma hate mommy forever because she insists on working part time to keep her sanity intact? Does daddy think his only job in the family is to bring home the bacon while mommy cooks it and cleans and chases kids 24/7.
I know a couple where this is the husband. His job ends when he gets home. He won't help. Mommy's on bed rest with her second, and she has church members coming in to help, to watch her oldest, and the house is a disaster, because he won't do it! (Not to mention, he complains that she shouldn't need help anyway. How hard is it to watch a 3 year old?). And in that family, he thinks mommy should get a job, at a day car so she can take baby with her. She would prefer to stay at home. ...
5: money. One account, 2 accounts, who will pay the bills? Different things work for different people. At least have it worked out before you get married!!
These aren't necessary in order of importance, but these are the problems in a marriage. Work, money, religion, homeschooling, and circumcision.
This doesn't have to be brought up early, but please, before the wedding. If you want to make a good go at marriage, talk about these five factors, or your arguments may be very interesting, as long as you both shall live. And beyond.
Please, for a happy marriage ... talk about these first!
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